MALEFICENT DELUXE CHRISTENING PLUS SIZE WOMENS BLACK GOWN

Ack! You’ve been invited to your ex-boyfriend’s (now king) daughter’s christening, and you have to show up to curse her and you don’t have a thing to wear! OK, so…invited may be a bit of a stretch, but still--you’re going. And you can’t curse someone in any old outfit--everyone knows that a curse sticks better if the cursor wears something really memorable (we asked a few specialists who confirmed this).

But, why reinvent the wheel? You know that the perfect ensemble already exists in the world for this exactoccasion (which is a pretty crazy coincidence, if you ask us--this is not a very common occasion). This Maleficent Deluxe Christening Plus Size Womens Black Gown is an exact replica of the one worn in the film Maleficent to curse baby Aurora (and you know how all the business ends, right? A spindle prick on her 16th birthday, a deathlike sleep, true love’s kiss, yadda, yadda, yadda). But this is about YOU, not Aurora. So go ahead and take a page out of book of bad and don this dark and frightening black gown, headpiece, and brooch to the christening. Just don’t be surprised if you don’t get many invites to more gatherings after that.

But, can we ask you one favor? Since we provided you with the perfect cursed christening outfit, it’s the least you can do. Can you, uh, come up with a better curse? Maleficent is scary, for sure, but that curse is...kinda lame. First of all, it takes 16 years to even kick in, and Aurora gets to live with fairies in the meantime, and take a big ole’ nap. And it’s not even a permanent curse! It’s kind of a vacation. In fact we think we saw Aurora posting her place as a “Relaxing Fairy Paradise Away from it All” on AirBnb. Just sayin’. That doesn’t sound very cursed to us.